Friday, January 10, 2014
I have failed at starting over from being a failure. I will not let it daunt me though. I will again start over because there really is no other choice. I will be turning 50 soon. If change is not made and soon, I will probably not live to see 60. I often wonder if that is why I fail. Self-fulfilled prophecy of doom. If I succeed I will be forced to make other changes and accept things about myself that I don't really want to accept. I can wear my weight as a mask so no one can see the real me. I don't think that the "real" me is someone that people would want to know. I can be selfish and hateful in my thoughts....I try not to let it come across in my deeds. I can be short-tempered and intolerant. These things make me hold people back at arms length. It just seems easier that way. If I lose the weight I will have no excuse for being an introvert. Too much interspection. Just get busy.