Failure

I have failed at starting over from being a failure.  I will not let it daunt me though.  I will again start over because there really is no other choice.  I will be turning 50 soon.  If change is not made and soon, I will probably not live to see 60.  I often wonder if that is why I fail.  Self-fulfilled prophecy of doom.  If I succeed I will be forced to make other changes and accept things about myself that I don't really want to accept.  I can wear my weight as a mask so no one can see the real me.  I don't think that the "real" me is someone that people would want to know.  I can be selfish and hateful in my thoughts....I try not to let it come across in my deeds.  I can be short-tempered and intolerant.  These things make me hold people back at arms length.  It just seems easier that way.  If I lose the weight I will have no excuse for being an introvert.  Too much interspection.  Just get busy.