ADDICTION

I am desperately craving cheetos.  I don't even really like them that much anymore but I want them badly.  I don't enjoy when I eat them.  But I have them almost every day.  Food addiction is just as bad and deadly as drug addiction.  You could say that you even shoot in the vein, inhale and pop it.  It leaves evidence on your body, marks, scars and a general look of misuse and bad health.  The only differences are a drug addict can stop taking his drug and recover and people want to help a drug addict.  A food addict has to have his drug to survive..can't go cold turkey and people don't want to help food addicts..they just want you to go away so they don't have to look.  

Passion

I was told that the best way to lose weight and keep it off is to "Find My Passion".  How?  How does a person begin to find their passion?  Where do I look?  Passion?  Is it just something that you love or can it be overcoming something fearful or something that you dread?  Could the sense of accomplishment be called passion?  Have you ever just sat down and tried to figure out what would fill you with passion?  What would you most enjoy doing?  ITS NOT EASY!  Passion in a singular sense.  Your own private passion.  I have spent so much time trying to figure out how to begin searching that I haven't even looked for it.  Did I loose it or just never had it?  PASSION! Um.

INERTIA KILLS

Nothing

I have been doing nothing. I have nothing to write about. I have not done anything interesting or even boring. And thats okay.

Sometimes you have to take a breathe.

Lost

Sometimes I just feel so lost. Don't know what direction to turn or where to go. You want to ask for help but you don't really know what's wrong. You can't explain it, you just feel lost.

I have been sick for the last week so my diet and exercise routine ended. I have to start all over. I am still sick so hopefully I will be able to start again this week. Maybe this contributed to my feeling lost.

A costomer bought me a chocolate frosted heart cookie from Iverson's in Blue Island. I saved it till I got home to have my cheat. What a disappointment. It was just okay. So much for a cheat.

EXERCISE

I am not exercising today, at least not in the standard way. I have been shoveling snow for four hours already and its only 8:30 in the morning. The snow has started again. It is coming down heavy again. Its going to destroy all the shoveling snow that I already did. More exercise.

I can't get to work this morning so I have all day to exercise (shovel). A full day workout. Would anyone care to join me? Be my exercise buddy.

Enablers

Why does it seem like that there are people who not only expect you to fail but seem to go out of their way to help you fail? These are never the people that you think would be like that. I don't understand the reasoning behind it. Are they more afraid than I am? Why do they want failure?

I seem to have two enablers in my life. One, I will freely admit is myself. I tell myself "NO" but I don't back it up. I have realized this but I am seriouly working on it. Instead of just saying "NO" I now tell myself the consequenses of my actions. I hope that works.

The second enabler is a problem. I can not push this person out of my life or distant myself from them. They are there everyday and there is nothing that I can do about it. I have to develop a tactic for dealing with this person. GROW A SPINE would be a good place to start.


SIDE NOTE: As I was writing this I could not help but notice how many sentences start with I. When I was in highschool they made us write a paper about ourselves but would could not start a single sentence with the word I. Try it. It's not easy.